Pure Joy

With robins chirping and ailing daffodils fighting for their place amidst the blanket of white chill that surrounds them, the calendar doesn’t lie, spring has officially sprung. Time.Goes.Fast. But it doesn’t matter if the months feel as though they have passed in the blink of an eye or at the pace of a sluggish snail, they have been consistent and timely. Just like our God. I am yet again reminded of his mercies and grace as He has given Mom continual weeks of recovery both physically and cognitively since the seizures in January. The improvements have been gradual, and by default they have not been given proper acknowledgement. Sometimes gradual improvements go unnoticed. Much like how children grow before your very eyes and it isn’t until you take a moment to actually study their pictures hanging on the wall that you recognize their spurt of growth. In the same manner, I must sit back and really reflect on the improvements that have been gifted to Mom. We serve an amazing God and He is faithful. The last blog was posted just after the seizures. She was rebounding a bit but was nowhere near where she was prior to the setback. Now that has all changed, she’s doing much better. Her wit has returned, and her motherly spunk is back. We are again entertained by her story-telling skills, and victims of her sarcasm. She is stronger and walks with with more stability than before. So much so that she feels confident enough to wander from her walker as she strolls through the house. This walker she so dearly relied on to support her as she focused on every step is now more of a trusty side-kick.

With mom being up and about she is back in the kitchen organizing, preparing food, and keeping busy. All these tasks take her more time and concentration than she’d like. Therefore, sometimes us daughters go from just being lovely to her lovely assistants. But again we are thankful that she has the physical strength and mind, as much as she’d like it to be a faster-functioning, clear mind, to take care of some daily things around the home. Praise God.

Even so, things aren’t quite how’d she’d like them to be. She gets frustrated that at times her words get stuck in her mind. She has her own personal iCloud that she would much rather share. She knows what she wants to say but has to periodically pause and think in order for the right word to come out. This extra dose of concentration does not come with a 100% guarantee; the incorrect word may still come out, that is if a word surfaces at all. This has been a struggle for her since the beginning of this journey. Even during radiation this plagued her at times.

In James 1:2-4 it says to “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” “Pure joy” seems to be an oxymoron when facing trials. But our joy is in the Lord and that is where we find strength, peace and rest. Maybe one of the greatest joys in this trial is seeing how God is continuing to use Mom to glorify Him. So many of us live busy lives. We mention that we need more hours in the day, our list of to-dos is never complete, and some extra rest is something we only dream of. Mom on the other hand, whether she likes it or not, has more down-time than she has ever had in her adult life. She has been able to use this to be still and spend time in prayer with God. Daily she talks to us about her prayer and quiet time with God. I am thankful for her and how she continues to care for us especially by praying for us. She would love to pray for you too. If you get a chance to send her a note or card, don’t hesitate to include what is happening in your life and how she can pray for you. It is in ways like this that we can experience joy in trials.

Last year at this time, that level of concentration was not possible for her. Just a year ago Mom was at one of her lowest points since having been diagnosed with cancer. Her last round of chemo left her that she couldn’t speak, was beyond confused at times and the wheel chair was her mode of transportation as she couldn’t stand or walk. The oncologist ceased chemo and left Mom with two options, get hospice involved or try this drug, Avastin; administered biweekly as infusions. Mom opted for the treatments. The oncologist explained that not all people respond well to them. God has been gracious in not only allowing the medicine to work but has also made it a rather smooth ride. It’s been a year now, and the oncologist just told mom that there may be one other patient of hers who has been on this drug as long as she has. She also shared that she couldn’t ask for her to be doing better! Mom is doing so well that the doctor even cut out some of the routine blood-work because the results are always so good. To God be the glory! He is faithful! Things may not be like they were before this all began, but given the journey we are in, things are good. God is good.

The doctor also recognizes Mom’s joy through this trial. Upon entering the exam room at her last routine appointment she greeted Mom and Mom’s lovely assistants (aka her daughters), by stating that she knew she was headed to the right room by all the laughter she could hear filling the hallway outside their door. God is continually drawing us closer to Him and giving us JOY through it all.

Now, I’m not going to lie and say we never shed tears or feel sadness, believe me, WE DO! But God is also giving us joy through the hard times. Ultimately our joy is in the life to come. As Christians we joyfully anticipate eternity with Jesus. This is a special time of year for Mom and the rest of us as we prepare to celebrate Easter; Christ’s resurrection from the dead. Without Christ dying on the cross and raising from the dead we would be separated from God forever. He was the ultimate sacrifice and by his grace, through faith, we are saved.

Happy Easter from our family and many blessings.

-Jenna

Here's a little something from one of Mom's granddaughters

For those of you who are interested,

here's a little anatomy lesson...

These here are MRIs of Mom's brain from a year ago.

Let's start with MRI #1. This is the image that was brought up on the screen in the doctor's office the day the oncologist gently spoke to us about stopping chemo and either starting the infusions or contacting hospice. Mom was at her worst. She was pretty horrendously awful to put it lightly, and the MRI confirmed her condition.

I will do my best to elaborate on these images as it was explained to us by the doctor. First let's get our bearings. These images were taken from below looking up; the opposite of an aerial view. The top of the picture is the forehead and the bottom is the back of the head. Also, just an extra fact, the pictures are a mirror image. So the tumor is actually in the left hemisphere of Mom's brain but is pictured with the appearance of being on the right.

Continuing to focus on MRI #1. The white matter circled in blue was likely tumor which appeared to not be responding to chemo. The black hole in the middle of this white matter was exactly that. A hole. A hole left after the original tumor had been removed surgically. A hole that will always remain a hole according to the doctors. As for the arrow that's pointing at the black spot in the middle, that is supposed to be there, but it is supposed to be symmetrical and a butterfly shape. That is one sad looking butterfly! The fact that it is asymmetrical is because the tumor was pressing on the brain and therefore pushing it past it's God-given limits. This is also noted by the gray, marble looking area that is outlined by the curved blue line. This should look similar to the opposite side which is lighter in color and defined with squiggles. Instead, this area is swollen and getting pushed with nowhere to go and therefore smashing in on itself.

Now fast forward a couple months after the infusions began and jump over to MRI #2; what you are seeing is God's grace. The tumor shrank immensely. It's all but undetected. This is quite obvious by comparing the areas circled in blue in both pictures. With the tumor out of the way, the brain is not nearly as crowded or smashed. This is pointed out by both arrows. The one arrow draws attention to the definition of squiggles that are now evident in this hemisphere. The arrow above that one points out the black butterfly hole in the middle that is supposed to be there is actually closer to being symmetrical.

How amazing it was for us to see this. We were also seeing a big change in Mom as well. She was gradually getting away from being horrendously awful. She had started to gain enough strength and cognitive abilities to walk again, and she was also regaining the abilities and thought process needed to speak. I specifically remember her starting to talk again. She had a lot to say that had been bottled-up in that mess seen in the first MRI shown above.

God is amazing!

Mom has had numerous MRIs since these two, but I do not have pictures of them. The doctors continue to report that her MRIs look the same and sometimes even better than the one prior.

Again, GOD IS AMAZING!

Mom has another MRI this week and we will get the results soon after. We thank God for this gift of good results and improvements for Mom. We pray He continues to bless us in this way. No matter what life brings, we seek to bring Him honor and glory!